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| NEWS STORY |
LETTERS FROM THE HEART: PART 1
Paul Rogers
15 April 2009
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The Hillsborough disaster claimed 96 supporters but for the thousands of friends and family members they left behind, life would never be the same again.
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Earlier this year, Liverpoolfc.tv contacted some of those relatives and friends of the fans whose lives were tragically cut short to ask if they'd like to write a few words to their loved ones on the 20th anniversary of the disaster.
The response was truly humbling. Within days of our initial request, the letters started arriving. They came from all over Merseyside, all over England and all over the world. They came from wives, mums, dads, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, aunties, nieces, nephews and friends. Some were handwritten, others typed. Some took up pages; some were nothing more than a few lines. Some were poetic, some were angry but all of them appear here unedited, just as they arrived.
A letter to Adam Spearitt, who died aged 14 at Hillsborough, written by his mum
Darling Adam,
20 years since the day you left home with your dad. I remember you, full of excitement and anticipation, your first away match saying, 'Dad they're warning people to watch out for pickpockets'. If only that had been the worst thing to have happened.
Did you enjoy the lovely drive over the Pennines in the bright spring sunshine with your dad and his friends laughing and joking all the way?
Were you worried when you saw the crowds at the turnstiles? But then feel OK when your dad said, 'We'll just wait here to the side till it eases off, it won't matter if we miss the start.'
Then were you both surprised when the large exit gate opened and you were all allowed to go through and not even asked for your tickets?
Then delighted to find yourselves right at the front near the goal.
But then the disaster caused by 'The failure of the police to control the crowd'.
Should we have 'moved on' (in other words put it all behind us)? How could we when those to blame didn't have the courage to stand up and own up, but heaped blame on yourselves and the fans who tried so hard to save lives, ferrying the injured the length of the pitch to be given help although only a handful of you were taken to hospital, the same fans who were tarnished with obscene headlines by a certain newspaper.
Some of the police did their best on the day and have our thanks like the special constable who found a faint pulse in you, went with you to hospital and stayed a while with you after you died. As for the others, let's hope we are a constant thorn in their sides.
Love and miss you Adam
Your Mum xxx
A letter to Adam Spearitt, who died aged 14 at Hillsborough, written by his brother
Dear Adam,
Where do I start? I suppose with the very obvious which is that I miss you so much and I think about you all of the time.
I often feel cheated because it is difficult for me to remember the small amount of time that we spent together. Being your younger brother I suppose that I often got on your nerves quite a lot of the time. My memory of being nine 20 years ago is very poor and I often wonder if it has got anything to do with what happened, I often find it difficult to remember what you look like which is the worst thing. There are plenty of photos in mums that I can look at but I often wish that I could remember you more clearly.
I can remember a few things though. I remember being on the Umbrella ride at Southport fair and the pair of us shouting something ridiculous at the top of our voices as the ride got faster and faster. I'm sure it was something like, 'Ohhhhh doggieee!' I have not got a clue where that came from but I'm blaming you for it. I can remember our family holiday to Ibiza where we unfortunately had to watch Liverpool somehow lose to Wimbledon in the FA Cup Final!!
It's a pity that game didn't make you switch to support Everton! That was never going to happen though was it!! I can remember being at a park and you wasn't happy that I could swing myself round and hold myself upside down on the Olympic rings... you were gutted ha ha! The final thing I remember about that holiday is the pair of us (well you really) always being in the chip shop next to the hotel. The owner actually came out to wave goodbye when we were leaving on the coach and he gave you a salt seller. I think it is still in mum's house!
I am sure that there were plenty of other things that we did. I am quite lucky really that I have become great friends with a lot of your old friends through playing football in the same teams as them, and then golf. I often get to know a lot of stories about you through the tales that they tell. For example, I only found out a few months ago that you didn't actually chip your front tooth by being hit by a golf ball like you told mum. Instead you did it by falling over after consuming a few beverages!! How funny!! One of the other ones was that you put salt in a glass and drank it to make you sick so you didn't have to go in too school! It's brilliant that I get to hear about some of these things, and what you were like, although it's often difficult because I am usually on the verge of bursting into tears. I tend to get very emotional and find it hard not to get upset, it can be a bit embarrassing.
One of the things that has helped build up a real relationship between our family and all of your friends is golf. Every year we now hold the Adam Spearritt Memorial golf tournament, it will be the eleventh year this year. All of your friends and other people who want to show their support play in it every year, it is often difficult to find places for everyone. A lot of the lads tend to play golf quite often now (probably because we are all getting older) and we often have competitions, but your memorial day is the one that everybody wants to win. You can see it in everybody's face and the atmosphere that is created is brilliant, the banter and the humour that goes on is the best part of the whole day. Everyone has a great day and whoever came up with the idea, it might have been dad, I'm not sure, needs a big pat on the back.
People always want to donate prizes but never want to be named for doing so, golf balls with your name on a have been provided for everyone, the whole thing is amazing. Last year we all went away on a coach and the journey back was one of the funniest things ever. The Liverpool songs were flying round, some Everton songs were also being sang (not for very long though - they were quickly drowned out), and then everyone started changing the words of the songs to fit people on the bus. Mike Spencer, who is now one of the main organisers of the event, took the brunt of it!!! I've managed to win it twice despite only being an average golfer! I think the first time I was playing off a really dodgy handicap but nobody needs to know that and I was only young. The second time was better as I won it playing really well off my correct handicap, it was a great feeling.
Over the last few years I have taken over giving the speech from dad and it is one of the most difficult things I have to do each year. As I mentioned earlier, I tend to get quite emotional and it is a massive struggle for me to keep my emotions in check. Last year was the tenth year of the tournament and I couldn't manage it. The speech I had written just went out of the window due to an amazing gesture by everyone to our dad. They all got him a Liverpool shirt signed by Kenny Dalglish, he got upset and then that started me off and I couldn't finish the speech. It is that sort of togetherness that I always try to get across to everyone in my speeches and it is often difficult for me to find the right words to express it to everyone. I am starting to get nervous now thinking about the one I am going to have to give on the 25th, I just hope that I do you proud and get across to everyone how much it means to our family, which is what I have tried to do in all the others.
A few years after Hillsborough mum and dad had another baby and I had a younger brother - Daniel. He got to know who you are immediately and of course he is obviously a Liverpool fan. The two of us recently went over to Madrid for the Real V Liverpool Champions League (European Cup to you) game after managing to get tickets from the Real Madrid website! I am surprised actually that mum and dad didn't mind the pair of us going, it must have been quite difficult for them. We had a great time (the result obviously helped!) and I am sure that we will do it again. It does remind me though that I should have been able to go to games with you and be able to discuss (and argue about!) football with you.
I had dreamed that I would go on to play for Liverpool which to me would have felt as though I had made you proud but unfortunately despite playing at a high standard for several years, I was not quite good enough. I have always wanted a career in football and completed a degree in Coaching Science with the hope of moving in to coaching. Daniel is also going to university; he will be starting in September and will be studying Sport Science. You can see that we are still mad about sport and more specifically Liverpool.
Everyone in the family misses you and we all wish, and hope, that there will be some time when we will get to see you again. I think about you every day and I promise that I will come and visit you at the cemetery more often.
I love you and miss you
Paul
A letter to Philip Steele, who died aged 15 at Hillsborough, written by his mother
Philip,
We watched you walk away on that lovely sunny day, not a care in the world, chatting happily with your brother. So excited because you had tickets to watch your beloved LFC in the semi-final.
A wave of your hand, a smile and you were gone. How could we have known that would be your last smile to us?
You brought so much sunshine into our lives and if I close my eyes and sit quietly, I can still see your lovely smile and hear your laughter.
In our hearts every minute of every day.
Rest in peace and God bless, precious son.
Your very proud mum, Dolores
A letter to Arthur Horrocks, who died 41 at Hillsborough, written by his wife Sue
Dear Arthur,
Where do I start? 20 lonely years have passed since I last saw you and not a day goes past that I don't miss you. So much has happened in that time; your two gorgeous boys are now men of 27 and 29, and you would be so proud of them. Although I made a huge mess of my life for a while, and feel I let everyone down, I hope you can forgive me.
I have some great friends who have been there for me through thick and thin - I just wish you could meet them. Anyway struggling to write any more. It is so painful. I know I dont show my feelings easily and haven't been to any of the Memorial Services or got involved with the families but I am a private person and keep my feelings to myself. Wish I could see you just one more time and tell you how much I loved you. Until we meet again.
Your Loving Wife Sue x x x
A letter to Arthur Horrocks, who died aged 41 at Hillsborough, written by his nephew
Arthur, I can't believe it is 20 years since you were taken from us. It seems like only yesterday that you were telling me not to worry, 'We will be out in a minute!' If only! One minute you were standing next to me keeping us calm, the next you were gone. The only good memory I have of that day was the journey up to Sheffield. Me driving the transit van down the Ford road with the rest of you bouncing around in the back (sitting on plastic chairs) because of the bumps in the road. We all laughed. I am sorry I won't be at Anfield for your rememberence service, but I will be remembering you in my own way.
x
Six went to watch a game of football, five lucky people came back!
Keith Golding
A poem written about Paul Murray, who died aged 14 at Hillsborough, written by his mother on October 15, 1989
No more shoes kicked off by the wall,
Where's the untidy bathroom and fingermarks in the hall?
No school bag, empty homework pages spilling out
Why all this silence, I just want to shout
That cheerful smile and loving nature
His caring attitude to every living creature
Those jokes and impressions of which there's no doubt
He'd never have been famous while those were about
I think I'll be a policeman, do you need 'A' levels for that?
Or a mechanic, when I own a Porsche, it'll be handy, will that
I'll come in a minute, just watching TV
Then I'll write to Kenny, maybe he'll see me
A goalie like Brucie or a striker like Rush
He'd play in a street until a neighbour made a fuss
Mum, dad, there's a letter, I've got that autograph,
No, not the manager, he's too busy, don't be daft
One day, I'll be famous, you wait and see
How many times had he said that to me?
Now in our town he has his wish
And we've got a letter signed Kenny Dalglish
No, I'm not angry, the summons came from above
He obviously needed to get some of that love
They were all so devoted, to win was their dream
Now they're all playing in God's famous team.
Edna C Murray (Mother)
15.9.1989
A letter about Carl Rimmer, who died aged 21 at Hillsborough, written by his parents
Just 21 years old, Carl had just celebrated his 21st birthday. He was a very loving son and very caring, with a fantastic smile. He had a lot of dreams for the future, including his girlfriend. He is very much missed. He left a very big hole in our hearts.
Mum and Dad
A letter about Paul Carlile, who died aged 19 at Hillsborough
My beloved son Paul Carlile was aged 19 when he was killed at the Hillsborough Disaster.
Thank you so much for showing a photograph of my son Paul and all the victims of Hillsborough. As they are all known as the 96 victims, when people see a face to each victim they will be known as human beings, loved and missed more than words could ever say.
My beautiful son Paul went out that morning so happy and never came back to me and his family. Our lives have been devastated since that day.
You never expect your child to go to a football match, never to come home and come home in his coffin. We then had to endure all these lies and cover-up.
Please forgive me for going on but I need to let people know just what this has done to the families. Once again, thank you for showing a photo of my son Paul.
A letter about Roy Hamilton, who died aged 34 at Hillsborough, written by his wife
On that fateful day, mine and my children's world fell apart. 20 years on and not a day goes by when I don't think of him.
Although we will not be in Liverpool today, thoughts of all the other families are never far away, but I like to remember Roy in my own way as although he was one of 96, he was our number one only.
Wendy Hamilton (Wife)
A poem for James Aspinall, who died aged 18 at Hillsborough, written by his parents
The last time I saw you walk out the door,
Who would have thought I'd see you no more.
Your smiling face full of joy
Laughing and joking my wonderful boy.
Who would have thought a football game could end up with so much Heartache, tears and pain.
Twenty years have now gone by
Still no answer (I wonder why?)
So many lives, so much pain
Just to watch a football game.
Surely now someone will say
I know the truth of that terrible day.
The grief and the loss
As James mum, were made much worse by that tabloid.
The lies they printed clouded my vision
Of the boy that God had given
My son, my life, my love.
In the words of Chris De Burgh, your favourite singer, 'There is an answer, one day we will know, and we will ask them why they had to go'
Broken hearts can never mend
But one by one we will meet again.
The Earth has lost
Heaven gained
My wonderful son
His name is James.
Love and miss you so much, your broken hearted Mum and Dad.
A letter to Nicholas Joynes, who died aged 27 at Hillsborough, written by his family
Dearest Nick,
It is 20 long years without seeing your smiling face. We should have been a happy family all of us together.
With you and Mark (your brother who was killed in South Africa) I hope you are both together. We think about you both every single day, in our prayers, you are always in our hearts.
You have new family members now, Jessica, Sean and baby Emily. You remember Ian and Laura and your loving brother Paul, Sister Michelle.
We have very cherished memories of you both; we look for you in rainbows. Our loving arms will hold you when we meet again.
Thinking of that day at Hillsborough, I hope the South Yorkshire Police hang their heads in shame about what happened that dreadful day.
Your loving Mum, Dad, Paul, Michelle and family
A letter about Eric Hughes, who died aged 42 at Hillsborough, written by his wife
My husband Eric George Hughes is on the right in this photo. The photo is of happier times with his friends who were with him at Hillsborough. They returned home without him and life has never been the same.
I lost the love of my life and they lost a good friend. I will always miss him.
Yours sincerely
Pat Hughes (Mrs)
A message about Stephen Paul Copoc, who died aged 20 at Hillsborough, from his mother
In remembrance of a kind and caring son who is loved and remembered always.
Thanks you so much for doing these tributes for all of the 96 victims on the 20th anniversary.
Agnes Copoc c/o Pat Payne
A letter about Derrick George Godwin, who died aged 24 at Hillsborough, written by his parents
Derrick was a season ticket holder on the Kop and managed to get a ticket for the semi-final against Nottingham Forest at Hillsborough.
Although we live 170 miles from Liverpool, he travelled via Cheltenham - Birmingham - Liverpool by train to go to get his ticket.
He worked for Allied Dunbar at the time, an insurance company in Swindon, and as he often had contact with the Liverpool branch of AD, he decided to call into their offices to see some of the staff he had got to know by phone.
He was absolutely thrilled to be introduced to Chris Lawler, a former Liverpool player, who also worked there and that really made his day!
He was a quiet person by nature, very well mannered and liked by everyone. His only outlet from work was LFC. He couldn't wait for the weekends to come and would travel anywhere to watch his team play.
Since the Hillsborough disaster, we have met up with a lovely family from West Derby, who have become our best friends. We often visit each other and they love to get down here in the country, so we feel that something good has come out of something bad and their friendship has certainly helped us as a family over the years.
Derrick had one sister, Valerie, and she and her husband regularly go to Liverpool to watch matches, so they are carrying on the tradition for him.
Yours sincerely,
Margaret and Stan Godwin (Derrick's Parents)
A letter to Peter McDonnell, who died at Hillsborough aged 21, written by his niece
Hey Pete,
How are you? Feels like forever since we last saw each other, but only a day since we lost you. You won't believe how much we miss you, a day doesn't go by where we don't think of you still! Not only that but you have missed so much too.
I hope you are with Patsy so you can say 'hello' to her from us and tell her we miss her too.
Did you know that you have four nephews now and that you're a great uncle?
There is so much I want to say, but not enough sheets of paper in the world to say it. What I will say is thank you for standing behind the goal and helping us win 4-1 against Man U! I'm sure you had something to do with it and also Istanbul!
I'm supposed to tell you what has been happening over the past 20 years. Well, last year, Graham asked me to marry him... and I said yes! We have just moved into a new apartment and hope to get married sometime in the near future.
Considering all they have been through, Nan and Granddad (Mother and Father to Peter) are still keeping well - I know they are okay as they're still winding each other up!
In 1994, Mum (Peter's sister Evelyn) and Terry got married in July and Patsy (Peter's sister) and Raymond got married in October. Mum and Terry are doing well, but Patsy passed away in August 2003. Hopefully you are together and smiling down on us.
Gerry (Peter's brother) is the same as ever apart from the fact that he is a Grandad now to baby James.
Let me tell you a little about the other nephews you have never met -
Terence is 18 and at art college. Raymond is 18 and is a chef. Peter is 15, he's still at school and deciding what he wants to do, but he loves computers. James is 12, he's also still at school and deciding what he wants to do when he grows up. He's a budding Alan Titchmarsh and often helps Mum on her allotment.
You'll remember your nieces Catherine, Hayley, Rachel and Lindsey. They are all doing well and growing into lovely young women.
Just to bring you up to date, Rafa has signed a new 5 year contract. Here's hoping we win the league!
I miss you loads Peewack. Till we meet again.
Love Gemma (Niece)
A letter about Carl Lewis, who died aged 18 at Hillsborough, written by his parents
Carl has two brothers who went to Hillsborough with him. He also has a daughter, Chantelle, who was 11 months old at the time.
As long as we live, we will never forget that day.
Love and miss you loads Carl. Always and forever.
Mum & Dad
A letter about Paul Clark, who died aged 18 at Hillsborough, written by his parents
Paul was 18-years-old and lived with his Mum, Dad and sister Tracey in Swanwick, Derbyshire.
He was an apprentice electrician. He had many interests including playing football, fishing, golf and he was an LFC season ticket holder. Paul had a great sense of humour, always smiling. He was very popular and loved spending time with his mates.
Yours sincerely,
Ken & Sue Clark (Parents)
A letter about Inger Shah, who died aged 38 at Hillsborough, written by Gary Oyitch
In response to your request for pictures of Hillsborough victims, I attach a photo taken on the morning of the 1988 FA Cup Final showing Inger Shah. Inger was one of a group who went to every game home and away with myself and several others. On the photograph she is fourth from the left. The girl who is second from the right on the photograph is Marion McCabe who also died in the disaster. Five of us went to Hillsborough and only 3 survived. I was at the front of the pen and was brought back, as I'm told, from death twice. I actually saw the bright white light twice and had said goodbye to my family. Luckily a police lady managed to drag me out and gave me medical attention on the pitch. The next thing I remember is waking up in hospital the following Monday with serious injuries. I was then told that two of my friends had died.
Gary Oyitch
To read Part 2 of this feature, click here>>
To read Part 3 of this feature, click here>>
LFC TV is free to watch from 10am on April 15 on SKY channel 434, Virgin Media channel 544 and online on this website by clicking here>>
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